Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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