I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
