i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
