you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
