that's an acceptable place to lick
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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