We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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