True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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