She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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