The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
