I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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