we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
