i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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