Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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