You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
