tell your sister to shave her snatch
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
