You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
