Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
