im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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