Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
