just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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