but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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