No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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