I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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