does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
