I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
