remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
