I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
