It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
my being single is dangerous.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
