fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
