So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
