i would punch a child for taco bell
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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