then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
