everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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