We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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