it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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