and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
