Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
