If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
