You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
