Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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