dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
