she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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