It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
