Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
