I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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