We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
