and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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