i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
