I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
