I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
