im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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